Doctors and Oversharing

In medical school, budding doctors are typically taught not to share personal information with their patients.  Doctors should be neutral professionals so their patients feel comfortable without feeling judged.  Furthermore, the visit is 100% about the patient, not the physician.

However, we aren’t robots.  We want so much for doctors to be seen and treated as humans with human emotions and flaws.  When we aren’t available one day, it’s OK that we need to stay home with a sick child, attend a continuing education course or just take a much needed vacation.  If we are a bit irritated by the late patient at 5:00 it’s because we may be missing Back To School night or an important soccer game.  It’s OK for us to be sad when we give bad news or to have happy tears when we give reassuring news.  Doctors are people too.  We have families and personal needs that are often overlooked as the demands of medicine pull us in many directions.  Our needs get sacrificed.

So where is the balance?  How do we relate to our patients on a human level without ever sharing any information about ourselves that make us more human?  In my opinion, it can’t be done.  Now before everyone freaks out, remember I am a pediatrician.  The majority of my discussions take place with parents, not patients.  Furthermore, my own experiences as a parent have made me a better pediatrician and I want to be able to share the wealth.  Imagine how empowering it is for parents (who feel like they always need to be perfect) to know that their own pediatrician isn’t a perfect parent. Imagine parents getting advice from a million different sources on a variety of topics; it might carry more weight hearing what actually worked for their child’s doctor.  Being able to share my own sleep, feeding and behavior successes and failures not only makes me more human but also helps my patients and their parents.  And sometimes it’s just plain fun to talk to my young patients about my favorite ice cream flavor or a good movie they may like or what my Halloween costume will be this year.

Many times parents ask me, “What would you do if it were your child?”.  They want to know, when they are hesitant, if my child had their shots.  They ask how old my kids are and when I let them stay home alone.  They want advice on everything from book ideas for the kids who aren’t excited about reading to ideas about potty training to ideas for behavior modification.

As a human being, I learn and grow from my patients as well.  We bond and build our relationship by sharing with each other.  I get, as well as give as, book ideas from my teens.  I get vacation ideas from parents.  I even learn about therapists or other health professionals that parents have liked or haven’t liked.  One of my favorite parts of a visit is “schmoozing” with a family about their summer or school or a new pet or an upcoming holiday…the list goes on.

I do think it’s important to know when it is appropriate to share and when it isn’t.  There are way more times that I’ve held back from sharing personal information than I have actually chimed in.  But when I think it’s helpful or might make a mom feel better that I have been in her shoes, I choose to share.

img_9444Dr. Friedman is married with 2 kids.  She likes to travel, spend time outdoors, read, listen to music and attend concerts.  She is originally from Baltimore, MD and remains a huge fan of the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.  She currently resides in San Diego, Ca where she sees patients in 4S Ranch.  Her dog Luna is a blue Merle Australian Shepard and she recently adopted a terrier mix named Jerry. 
Her interests at work include helping families with lactation and behavior.  She is also a strong advocate for literacy and vaccination.

Author: DrJaimeFriedman

I am a mom and pediatrician here to dispense timely and accurate information about the health and well being of children.
Please see my first blog post, which explains how I got started.

Remember, this is not a substitute for medical advice and is not a private platform.


2 thoughts on “Doctors and Oversharing”

  1. Well, Dr. Friedman, you never cease to amaze me and this post is awesome as far as I’m concerned. One of my favorite things about you, aside from your vast knowledge and expertise, is how relate-able you are and that you err on the side of caution. As a first-time mom, I look to you for more than clinical information every time I see you. As an intuitive person, I base most of my feelings on the energy I receive from people. The fact that you set my entire family at ease and make us laugh, feel normal and encouraged every time we see you is exactly why I might be one of your biggest fans. Thank you for being you and for choosing to share that with all of us. Beautiful family, btw, thanks for sharing that, too.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m so glad that my own impression of how my families respond to my practice style isn’t too far off! You guys are great and I am forever grateful that you entrust me with the care of your beautiful daughter. Hope you are all well!

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